Please Please Please!
When using other peoples computer, do not forget to log off.
Also, Please, Please, Please, never go out wearing the shoes of a 12 year old!
Monday, 7 September 2009
Day 6 - Big Jock makes the rest of the crew feel marvellous
Guess who had too much to drink last night? Everyone! It's just that Big Jock made everyone else look absolutely fabulous, ha, ha. As Frankie Valli would say, "Oh what a night." It was a bit of a late start for some, but a small splinter group managed to get to the beach. On the way Big Jock constantly annoyed everyone by saying, "I feel shit, I'm gonna be sick, I need a loo." Mouldy offered solace by informing Big Jock that the mayor of the town lived next to the lavatories and then parked as far away from the loos as humanly possible. On the long walk to the loo Mouldy then informed Big Jock about other interesting things from his repertoire, to be suddenly hit with the following tirade, "Nick I admire your attempts to increase my knowledge of the world but at this present moment in time I don't feel in a learning mood and would really appreciate it if you could find me some loos!" "Jock, they're over there next to the Mayor's residence." Jock scurries off at a great rate of knots only to be met by a French "point and shoot" toilet - bastards.
It was at this point that Tim B spotted an establishment selling lager beer and it also had a sit down lavatory for Big Jock to rid himself of whatever Bruno had fed him the night before in Le Nautil. Two beers and two coffees later and the fab four were off for some "chicken on a fist", roast tatties, smelly cheese and French bread. Armed with scran they found a quiet spot near the beach and devoured the lot, well, 3 of them did. Big Jock was horizontal on a bench, gradually becoming a hazard to local shipping with his snoring. The lads thought it a good idea to place the chicken carcass on his back and watch the shite hawks tear it apart, hopefully eating Big Jock in the process, but they decided that this was too great a task even for the hungriest Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Sunday, 6 September 2009
It's all too much for Jock !!!!
The French hospitality catches him up !! Copy en-route to the Lovely Janina.
Got YA !!!!!!!!!!
Got YA !!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Day 5 - Bomber appears in blue shoes
The writer of the blog (Big Jock) woke at 0945 to find the bathroom occupied, so decided to get his head down but Bomber and Tim were in full argument about Bomber's shit footwear. Deciding on a quiet course of action Big Jock grabbed some delicious breakfast from the Navy Chef (Al) and sorted out the previous night's hunger pangs. He didn't do mess chefs though, and this annoyed Bomber, again, ha, ha. Fuck off you Geordie maggot, who's doing the blog?
Breakfast was sound and Al thought it a great idea to visit the Super U for a Beer RAS. Dropping Marie and the lads off at the local boozer was a good idea, however, as it culminated in the best DTS since Napoleon said to Josephine "I fancy a beer, a bit of a piss take, a sing song and a hangover." Joshua and his oppo made sure the crew did not leave sober or hungry - well done French lads. Joshua had to be the maddest barman this side of the black stump and the crew were subjected to numerous japes and pranks which culminated in Big Ben the birthday boy wearing a large pink flower on his head and having his bare arse slapped by Bomber (don't ask!). All I will say is "Healthy Tits and Strength In Your Pants," be fabulous.
That evening the crew went back to Le Nautil where Big Jock drank himself asleep and had to be carried to the murtahurm. His only recollection was looking in the mirror and seeing fuckin' Papa Smurf looking back at him! Unfortunately seeing as Big Jock is the narrator of this Blog, he cannot remember anything else after that and would appreciate it if someone would fill in the missing bits.
Breakfast was sound and Al thought it a great idea to visit the Super U for a Beer RAS. Dropping Marie and the lads off at the local boozer was a good idea, however, as it culminated in the best DTS since Napoleon said to Josephine "I fancy a beer, a bit of a piss take, a sing song and a hangover." Joshua and his oppo made sure the crew did not leave sober or hungry - well done French lads. Joshua had to be the maddest barman this side of the black stump and the crew were subjected to numerous japes and pranks which culminated in Big Ben the birthday boy wearing a large pink flower on his head and having his bare arse slapped by Bomber (don't ask!). All I will say is "Healthy Tits and Strength In Your Pants," be fabulous.
That evening the crew went back to Le Nautil where Big Jock drank himself asleep and had to be carried to the murtahurm. His only recollection was looking in the mirror and seeing fuckin' Papa Smurf looking back at him! Unfortunately seeing as Big Jock is the narrator of this Blog, he cannot remember anything else after that and would appreciate it if someone would fill in the missing bits.
Day 4 - Al and Marie's place
Well we made it. Al and Marie's place was absolutely fantastic but moving aside, the lovely and I mean lovely hosts took us to Le Nautil (fantastic bar owned by Bruno) ( crap pool player, ha, ha.) We had a fabulous time playing pool and drinking fabulous French wine/spirits/beers. The tab was great as well but we won't mention that unless Bruno catches on, ha, ha.
The night went swimmingly with Al winning the anglo UK/French pool championships, and yet again proving the Brits were better than the French at table sports. He did have the help of Big Jock who couldn't hit a bulls arse with a banjo but seemingly had mastered the means of potting the right balls - well done Al.
The end of the night culminated in the boys having a fantastic scran cooked by the best Pusser's chef this side of the Bay of Biscay. Al it was delicious xx.
Big Jock, Marie and Al sank a few Malt whiskey's on a sun downers before bed, but Al was not tempted by the offer of a single bed in Big Jock's twin room, ha, ha. Why? Snoring, hairy chest, farting, again we question why Marie?
The night went swimmingly with Al winning the anglo UK/French pool championships, and yet again proving the Brits were better than the French at table sports. He did have the help of Big Jock who couldn't hit a bulls arse with a banjo but seemingly had mastered the means of potting the right balls - well done Al.
The end of the night culminated in the boys having a fantastic scran cooked by the best Pusser's chef this side of the Bay of Biscay. Al it was delicious xx.
Big Jock, Marie and Al sank a few Malt whiskey's on a sun downers before bed, but Al was not tempted by the offer of a single bed in Big Jock's twin room, ha, ha. Why? Snoring, hairy chest, farting, again we question why Marie?
Friday, 4 September 2009
Day 4 - Is Mouldy Lost of Wot?
We have been travelling now for the best part of 11 hours and you would have expected us to have arrived at a place "just up the road", hours ago. This begs the question, "Mouldy, are we lost or wot?"
Bomber is getting more and more irate and has even threatened to stab the DJ (Mouldy) if he keeps playing half a fuckin' song. Stab him with what was the question on every one's lips!
Keep chucking bananas at that fuckin' northern monkey Tim. Apparently the latest update from Big Ben was that he was convinced he had contracted deep vein thrombosis and would be having words with his younger brother when we eventually stopped. Tim was last seen putting on his training shoes, ha, ha.
Bomber is getting more and more irate and has even threatened to stab the DJ (Mouldy) if he keeps playing half a fuckin' song. Stab him with what was the question on every one's lips!
Keep chucking bananas at that fuckin' northern monkey Tim. Apparently the latest update from Big Ben was that he was convinced he had contracted deep vein thrombosis and would be having words with his younger brother when we eventually stopped. Tim was last seen putting on his training shoes, ha, ha.
Day 4 - Breakfast and beyond
Half way to Al and Maries it was Egon Benger's turn to feed Diabetic Dave and the five thousand. Armed with a box of Swan Vesta matches, it took him 8 hours to cook 1 rasher of bacon, but we persevered and managed to hang on to life long enough to be fed.
Big Jock armed with aforementioned Pampers bottom wipes went for his morning sabbatical but came straight back refusing to use the French "point and shoot method" of plopping one off. Bomber tried in vain to make Big Jock feel guilty about not contributing to mess chefs but was promptly told to rod off because he was typing the blog and Bomber was immediately referred to the last time he tried this on during the 2008 European murtahurm tour. Mouldy calmed things down by broadcasting a comedy session on the murtahurm wireless and both camps kissed and made up and the journey recommenced.
Don't ask me how, but it then transpired that Bomber had had 7 fingers up his bottom at varying stages of his Naval career, all medical he hastened to add - yeah right, and he is now being addressed by Tim by his new title for the tour - 7 Up!
After another quick pit stop for lavatorial requirements and chips, the journey recommenced. Big Jock should have visited the loo because his arse was emitting some vile stenches for the rest of the trip. Big Jock just blamed it on Doctor Mouldy Crippen's poisoning session the previous night.
Big Jock armed with aforementioned Pampers bottom wipes went for his morning sabbatical but came straight back refusing to use the French "point and shoot method" of plopping one off. Bomber tried in vain to make Big Jock feel guilty about not contributing to mess chefs but was promptly told to rod off because he was typing the blog and Bomber was immediately referred to the last time he tried this on during the 2008 European murtahurm tour. Mouldy calmed things down by broadcasting a comedy session on the murtahurm wireless and both camps kissed and made up and the journey recommenced.
Don't ask me how, but it then transpired that Bomber had had 7 fingers up his bottom at varying stages of his Naval career, all medical he hastened to add - yeah right, and he is now being addressed by Tim by his new title for the tour - 7 Up!
After another quick pit stop for lavatorial requirements and chips, the journey recommenced. Big Jock should have visited the loo because his arse was emitting some vile stenches for the rest of the trip. Big Jock just blamed it on Doctor Mouldy Crippen's poisoning session the previous night.
Day 4 - Thunderbird 2 lands in France
Alarm bells were ringing at crack sparrow fart and it was time to board the Big Cat to France. Once on board Diabetic Dave (Bomber) cut waves through the foreign bastards in an attempt to land the biggest plate of croissants and coffee since Gordon Ramsey said "fancy a French breakfast?" Big Ben got rid of the aggravating rat up his arsehole that had been created by Egon Mouldy's Haggis supper the previous evening. The rest of the team settled down to a bumpy channel crossing. On arrival in France the crew were greeted to persistent precipitation (it was fuckin' pissing down). A quick stop for French sheckles and then we were on the road again.
It didn't take long for Jackie, Bomber and Tim to hit the hay, complaining about not getting and previous shut-eye due to Big Jock's incessant snoring. Big Jock plugged into his iPod and the journey to Brittany was underway.
It didn't take long for Jackie, Bomber and Tim to hit the hay, complaining about not getting and previous shut-eye due to Big Jock's incessant snoring. Big Jock plugged into his iPod and the journey to Brittany was underway.
Day 3 - Another day, another hangover
Big Jock awoke after another late session at Benger's Palace. The lads had stayed up until the early hours listening to great music, upsetting the senior lock-keeper and supping vast quantities of red wine. Big Jock felt like he'd put his head on backwards and whilst scurrying around for some headache tablets, cursed the day that Tim Benger was born. After a quick breakfast at Happy Harry's Heart-attack Hostel, the drunken duo headed into town to secure the best price that day for Euros. Tim was totally convinced that the current recession was brought on by the laziness of the British workforce. He made this assumption on failing to get served in any shop he entered, so thoroughly pissed off, it was back to the nearest boozer for more lager beer and a good old drip (moan). The ferry trip down to town and back saw more foaming ale sunk and the pace of drinking was beginning to take effect on Big Jock's health.
At 4 o'clock the rest of the gang began to assemble, starting with Mouldy, shortly followed by Tim's brother Ben and dragging up the rear as usual was Bomber and Jackie (making a guest appearance and putting a stop to Bomber's constant profanities - NOT!) After a wonderful scoff of smoked salmon and Chieftain Haggis, lovingly prepared by Egon Mouldy, the Thunderbird 2 was packed up and the tour was underway.
A short stop to pick up Pamper's arse wipes for Big Jocky's delicate botty, the motley crew were Dover bound. It was from this point that things took their usual downward spiral - the ferry crossing was cancelled but no one had the decency to inform us, the crossing was re-scheduled to 4 o'clock in the morning (6 hours late) and Big Jock "I'm never sleeping in a fuckin' murtahurm ever again," slept in a murtahurm....... again, ha, ha.
At 4 o'clock the rest of the gang began to assemble, starting with Mouldy, shortly followed by Tim's brother Ben and dragging up the rear as usual was Bomber and Jackie (making a guest appearance and putting a stop to Bomber's constant profanities - NOT!) After a wonderful scoff of smoked salmon and Chieftain Haggis, lovingly prepared by Egon Mouldy, the Thunderbird 2 was packed up and the tour was underway.
A short stop to pick up Pamper's arse wipes for Big Jocky's delicate botty, the motley crew were Dover bound. It was from this point that things took their usual downward spiral - the ferry crossing was cancelled but no one had the decency to inform us, the crossing was re-scheduled to 4 o'clock in the morning (6 hours late) and Big Jock "I'm never sleeping in a fuckin' murtahurm ever again," slept in a murtahurm....... again, ha, ha.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Day 2 - Murtahurm Tour 2009
Big Jock is alive and kicking after last night's events in The Malta. Benger successfully quenched the aforementioned thirst by using his BOGOFF method, "drink 2 to Big Jock's one", or "drink 2, drink 2 faster."
After drinking with the largest man to be born in Wales, the pub fit duo made a great job of demolishing the remains of the potato harvest, plunging the Emerald Isle into another potato famine - unlucky Paddy!
Big Jock was officially the best dressed man in Benger's living room this morning. Two bacon and egg sarnies and the demon drinking duo are ready to go for another session across the water, courtesy of Tony's water taxi, ha, ha.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Day 1 - Murtahurm Tour 2009
Big Jock has arrived at the rendezvouz (Benger's Palace) two days early, insisting that Tim B accompany him to the nearest watering hole (The Malta), in order to slake the massive thirst that he has turned up with. Tim has decided that no man can drink on his own and has managed to coerce the Senior Lock-keeper into standing his duty whilst he carries out a more important one.
Watch this space for further updates, albeit of a very drunken nature, ha, ha.
PS. The blog has recommenced with gusto and will be regularly updated for at least the next 7 days.
Watch this space for further updates, albeit of a very drunken nature, ha, ha.
PS. The blog has recommenced with gusto and will be regularly updated for at least the next 7 days.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Big Jock - twice in one month?
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I laughed my tits off at tree beard making a c*nt of himself, as usual; thank you for that. I needed a good laugh, after enduring the wettest holiday since Mr Cocky said "why don't we spend two weeks at Vagina Canal?" Having just dried off all my clothes I thought it prudent to investigate the blog after receiving another email from Mouldy - keep 'em coming! Can you also send me your mobile number so I can inundate you with all the shite jokes that people think I'd like to hear; ungrateful bastard aren't I?
I am so looking forward to our European tour of 2009 and you wouldn't believe it but the lovely Janina has given me two extra days to get pub fit for the visit to Al and Marie's. I am spending them wisely at Benger's Palace where I will drink copious amounts of Beck's lager beer until I fall off my stool, ha, ha. Come and join me one and all.
PS. It was nice to see Gerry "Lord Fuckin' Lucan" Peers put in an appearance on the blog. It would be better if he typed something or answered his fucking mobile/texts once in a while. Drip complete....... over.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Cheese and wine foray update
Have had e-mails from ferry company stating that our sailings have been put back by an hour. However, this will not change our departure times, but will give us some grace with regard to assembling the motley crew.
I will organise supper at Nav's Benger's before we depart, which will, hopefully, stop Big Jock raiding the fridge en-route, looking for frozen peas !!!!! I still find it hard to believe that he did it ! I will try to make sure that we are stocked up on frozen brussel sprouts, to see how far we can push him !!
Nice to see the old faithfuls still on the blog, even if their language leaves VERY little to the imagination. ( Big Jock ), I am sure you do not behave like this when the lovely Janina is in earshot.
Thunderbird 2, is primed and ready, however, I will probably booby-trap the thunderbox in case of illicit log dropping ! Isn't it strange that a turd can be the subject of so many conversations !
Looking forward to seeing you awful sods again !!
LogOff Nick
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Big Jock blogging from sunny Northumberland - my arse!!
Hello magnificent (spelt correctly Bomber) seven,
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A lot of water has passed under the Allington Lock bridge since my last entry onto this most famous and fabulous of blogs. The lovely Janina and I have paid two visits to NAVS BENGER at the canal and we made sure he was "loafing correctly." Cheer for the hospitality Tim xx. We did have to ask the senior lock-keeper if he was around though, ha, ha. Once again we found Tim immersed in Beck's Lager Beer at the Malta Inn - nothing changes in Maidstone! That's not true actually; my last visit to the 3 squirrels confirmed my suspicion that the ladies are indeed keeping their small panties on these days. It must be this shitty weather we're having.
You will all be pleased to know that I have signed up for the "Magnificent 7's 2009 tour of French cheese and wine parties." It is going to be brilliant but I am NOT SLEEPING IN A FUCKIN' MURTAHURM!!!!!!!!! I'd rather eat my own arse.
As you can all see the 2008 European tour still lingers heavily on my mind - you bastards!!
Before I pop out to a posh Bistro and spend some more of the hard earned "Rennie Millions", I'd just like to clarify that I did not dump in Mouldy's thunderbox. Now stop spreading malicious rumours about me "GRANDAD!!!"
I will see you all next month and you better all be pub fit when I turn up - that includes you to Tree Beard, you Geordie caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnt!!
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BE FABULOUS xx
Monday, 10 August 2009
this an extract from bombers personal diary i found loafing around whilst tidying up his speedos in the murta hurm, it relates to a chance meeting with a crinkly woman in a bar in St Potan, i have changed the ladies name in order to save her the embarrasment, it is a fascinating insite to the workings of this mans brain
one can only assume after 3 gallon of pastis this is what happened
Bomber stripped off the rest of his clothes, his gaze never left hers, then he streched out beside her, laced his fingers with hers and bought her gnarly fingers up to his lips for a tender kiss, with his other hand he deftly reached into her, the man is smooth he would soon be rewarded, shifting her hand in his she drew them both slowly over the velvet pillows and over her folded skin, up the silken sheets and across her spaniel ear breasts, turning her head towards him she placed an equally tender kiss on bombers beardy lips, "you know" she said in a husky hitherto unheard voice,"slow has its moments but there is a lot to be said for hot and fast"
The silken heat of her drove bomber to the brink, he managed to stave off his own satisfaction only by focussing every ounce of his thoughs on her, her needs, her wants, ignoring the heady scent of floral fragrance and warm woman, he concentrated on finding just the right touch that would please her, make her forget her own name, he elicited moans and sighs, gasps like when he is in the squirrels, but only when he plucked the sweet centre of her with his finger and thumb and drew her nipple deep into his mouth did he find the hot button that made her whole body tense and tighten, victory poured through him for all of two seconds before his own release swamped him forcing them to forget times and names ,
Then he climbed off, rolled over , farted and fell asleep.
She laid quietly smiling to herself, never mind she thought , bomber maybe hung like a chinese mouse but it was worth it for some more Pastis in the Nautile
one can only assume after 3 gallon of pastis this is what happened
Bomber stripped off the rest of his clothes, his gaze never left hers, then he streched out beside her, laced his fingers with hers and bought her gnarly fingers up to his lips for a tender kiss, with his other hand he deftly reached into her, the man is smooth he would soon be rewarded, shifting her hand in his she drew them both slowly over the velvet pillows and over her folded skin, up the silken sheets and across her spaniel ear breasts, turning her head towards him she placed an equally tender kiss on bombers beardy lips, "you know" she said in a husky hitherto unheard voice,"slow has its moments but there is a lot to be said for hot and fast"
The silken heat of her drove bomber to the brink, he managed to stave off his own satisfaction only by focussing every ounce of his thoughs on her, her needs, her wants, ignoring the heady scent of floral fragrance and warm woman, he concentrated on finding just the right touch that would please her, make her forget her own name, he elicited moans and sighs, gasps like when he is in the squirrels, but only when he plucked the sweet centre of her with his finger and thumb and drew her nipple deep into his mouth did he find the hot button that made her whole body tense and tighten, victory poured through him for all of two seconds before his own release swamped him forcing them to forget times and names ,
Then he climbed off, rolled over , farted and fell asleep.
She laid quietly smiling to herself, never mind she thought , bomber maybe hung like a chinese mouse but it was worth it for some more Pastis in the Nautile
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Mobilization details logged countdown under way and cannot be rescinded, all voyageurs are reminded to carry a musical weapon as befits there personal talent and no bomber your knob does not count .
whilst i have you all here i have secured the use of a 3 bed flat in Gibralter which i will be using for a week before the end of the year dates tba 150 quid per week including a pick up at airport, easy jet runs there for 50 quid return so have a dwell on that people i am definately goin even on my own Tata
whilst i have you all here i have secured the use of a 3 bed flat in Gibralter which i will be using for a week before the end of the year dates tba 150 quid per week including a pick up at airport, easy jet runs there for 50 quid return so have a dwell on that people i am definately goin even on my own Tata
Monday, 13 July 2009
Trip details
Maidstone to Dover / Dover to Boulogne / Boulogne to St Potan / and return.
Ferry leaves Dover 22.15, so will need to depart Maidstone 20.30 latest
Total miles 760
Revised costs
Fuel estimate £165.00
Ferry £ 78.50
Breakdown Ins. £ 25.00
Tolls estimate £ 25.00
Total £293.50 roughly 50 sovs each.
Additional funds needed for food / drink for the weekend
We should take some food and drink to our hosts, so we will stop at a supermarket en-route.
Any questions please e-mail Logoff, or put new post on blog, Ta
Ferry leaves Dover 22.15, so will need to depart Maidstone 20.30 latest
Total miles 760
Revised costs
Fuel estimate £165.00
Ferry £ 78.50
Breakdown Ins. £ 25.00
Tolls estimate £ 25.00
Total £293.50 roughly 50 sovs each.
Additional funds needed for food / drink for the weekend
We should take some food and drink to our hosts, so we will stop at a supermarket en-route.
Any questions please e-mail Logoff, or put new post on blog, Ta
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Is there anyone out there ....................................
Apparently, I am the only regular reader of this epistle, therefore I hereby declare that points from now, are awarded both on reading and posting, which must make me the supreme member of this small band of travellers.
As Logistics Officer for this year, I have ventured into the dark world of this Internet thingy, and finalised the plans for our September Sortie, to the heathen lands of Brittany.
We will board the mothership, TB2, catch a landing craft late p.m Thursday, Dover to Boulogne, and proceed under the cover of darkness, to meet with our agents, for breakfast. A victualling stop will be undertaken, en-route, to forage for supplies of grape-and-grain, and solid substances.
Following the weekend's frolics, we shall leave our resident agents' abode at 09.00 hrs Monday, to return to Boulogne, late pm, allowing for further foraging opportunities, and possibly a nosebag in Le Touquet, providing TB2 is not recognised by the local Gendamerie, and impounded. Last year's parking ticket was not paid !
We will arrive back in Blighty, late pm Monday / early hours Tuesday, where troops will depart in small groups.
The cost of this foray, includes all diesel, breakdown insurance, landing craft fees, and comes out at a smidgeon under £300, therefore with a predicted complement of 6, will be 50 sovs each. This does not allow for any motorway tolls encountered. Damned Frogs, don't they pay road tax ? ( actually, no, they don't )
We will have to make other arrangements for victualling en-route, and supplies for the weekend. It would not be sporting to allow our hosts to provide nosebag and beverages for our troop !
As always, best-laid plans can go tits-up, so watch this space.
As Logistics Officer for this year, I have ventured into the dark world of this Internet thingy, and finalised the plans for our September Sortie, to the heathen lands of Brittany.
We will board the mothership, TB2, catch a landing craft late p.m Thursday, Dover to Boulogne, and proceed under the cover of darkness, to meet with our agents, for breakfast. A victualling stop will be undertaken, en-route, to forage for supplies of grape-and-grain, and solid substances.
Following the weekend's frolics, we shall leave our resident agents' abode at 09.00 hrs Monday, to return to Boulogne, late pm, allowing for further foraging opportunities, and possibly a nosebag in Le Touquet, providing TB2 is not recognised by the local Gendamerie, and impounded. Last year's parking ticket was not paid !
We will arrive back in Blighty, late pm Monday / early hours Tuesday, where troops will depart in small groups.
The cost of this foray, includes all diesel, breakdown insurance, landing craft fees, and comes out at a smidgeon under £300, therefore with a predicted complement of 6, will be 50 sovs each. This does not allow for any motorway tolls encountered. Damned Frogs, don't they pay road tax ? ( actually, no, they don't )
We will have to make other arrangements for victualling en-route, and supplies for the weekend. It would not be sporting to allow our hosts to provide nosebag and beverages for our troop !
As always, best-laid plans can go tits-up, so watch this space.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Skullduggery afoot
It is as clear as the fog emanating from Bomber's dump receptacle, that Navs Benger is trying to gain a pecuniary advantage, by posting blogs of one word only, thereby racking up lots of brownie points.
It is also clear that he is in the habit of repeating his self, again and again and again and again and again and and and and and ................................ Old habits never die, do they Tim ?
As a major contributor to this blog, both in regularity and content, I declare that any repetition, from one post to another, be deemed as damned un-gentlemanly, and hereby petition the said Navs Benger, to remove the offending posts forthwith.
I would also propose that any future posts should be a minimum of 20 words ( all different - Tim ), and preferably more than 4 letters each. ( that should limit him !!! )
It would give me great pleasure, nay, a pleasure, fellow warriors, to act again as Logistics Officer for the forthcoming September skirmish into the land of the white flag frog eaters, hopefully helping them to repel the damned bosch from their shores, and I believe that our secret agents in that troubled land have been placed on alert, to prepare the welcome party.
Would all participating partisans please pass on this particular patter to prepare the patrol for prompt perusal !
Ta
It is also clear that he is in the habit of repeating his self, again and again and again and again and again and and and and and ................................ Old habits never die, do they Tim ?
As a major contributor to this blog, both in regularity and content, I declare that any repetition, from one post to another, be deemed as damned un-gentlemanly, and hereby petition the said Navs Benger, to remove the offending posts forthwith.
I would also propose that any future posts should be a minimum of 20 words ( all different - Tim ), and preferably more than 4 letters each. ( that should limit him !!! )
It would give me great pleasure, nay, a pleasure, fellow warriors, to act again as Logistics Officer for the forthcoming September skirmish into the land of the white flag frog eaters, hopefully helping them to repel the damned bosch from their shores, and I believe that our secret agents in that troubled land have been placed on alert, to prepare the welcome party.
Would all participating partisans please pass on this particular patter to prepare the patrol for prompt perusal !
Ta
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
In response to mr rennies favourable comments to us all Bollox
Navs benger now has a tried and operational piece of kit which is why you are reading this, george it is available on audio cd if required, by the way bloggers did you know that the campbell is now eroding our tax pounds at an alarming rate on pot noodles and beer in northampton on the pretext of rejoining society as an enlightened individual ?
As you are aware there have been a number of reunions to which most of the seven and guests have attended those of you that didnt know who you are and should be damn well ashamed, but bollox again, all the more M &C for us real men !!
It was planned to soire down to Zuoz in July but guess which big fuck off size geordie with a beard and spotty knackers bolloxed that one !!
Navs benger is currently scouring the transport media for alternates but the big bearders cant do that weekend neither so anyone with alternate suggestions for a destination and date welcomed.
James has some special news about his life which he wants to announce personally which i wont spoil but ask me if i'm gonna be a grand dad ?
George mouldy said could you give him the money you owe him for washing your suits on top of his murta hurm.
Navs benger new email and phone number is tim.benger@sky.com 01622 763140
good to see the big JR and his lovely Janina at the locks, it really is time we buggered off down plymouth and returned the compliment watch this space, we have had a couple of great weekends varsity boat race was fabulous we must all do that one next year, Al and Marie i am gonna try and call or email today if you havent heard can you call me on the listed details and i will call you straight back, to the girls what can i say you get more gorgeous by the day and if you were talkin to me i would say so !!!
Last weekend of july is the river festival at the locks, all welcome be a crackin one, boat hospitality already sorted
Mouldy, jock rennie in a drunken rage was admitting defiling your thunder box in the black forest, not in so many words but his irreverent rantings were enough to prove his guilt, he even described the colour and texture of the log it was only a matter of time , bit like ronnie biggs comin home . by the way all, mouldy got wankered again at mine and bombers bday party !
went something like "fuck off ooowellaaaeugh ! "
would like to do a reunion thing sometime peeps dates and venue please suggestions and bomber no, we are not going to see david essex at pontins, its childish .
i gotta go now cause i am writin this at work and if i dont stop i will be late finishing so au revoir as blandine says to me , oh yeah believe it believe it. Be Fabulous people
Navs benger now has a tried and operational piece of kit which is why you are reading this, george it is available on audio cd if required, by the way bloggers did you know that the campbell is now eroding our tax pounds at an alarming rate on pot noodles and beer in northampton on the pretext of rejoining society as an enlightened individual ?
As you are aware there have been a number of reunions to which most of the seven and guests have attended those of you that didnt know who you are and should be damn well ashamed, but bollox again, all the more M &C for us real men !!
It was planned to soire down to Zuoz in July but guess which big fuck off size geordie with a beard and spotty knackers bolloxed that one !!
Navs benger is currently scouring the transport media for alternates but the big bearders cant do that weekend neither so anyone with alternate suggestions for a destination and date welcomed.
James has some special news about his life which he wants to announce personally which i wont spoil but ask me if i'm gonna be a grand dad ?
George mouldy said could you give him the money you owe him for washing your suits on top of his murta hurm.
Navs benger new email and phone number is tim.benger@sky.com 01622 763140
good to see the big JR and his lovely Janina at the locks, it really is time we buggered off down plymouth and returned the compliment watch this space, we have had a couple of great weekends varsity boat race was fabulous we must all do that one next year, Al and Marie i am gonna try and call or email today if you havent heard can you call me on the listed details and i will call you straight back, to the girls what can i say you get more gorgeous by the day and if you were talkin to me i would say so !!!
Last weekend of july is the river festival at the locks, all welcome be a crackin one, boat hospitality already sorted
Mouldy, jock rennie in a drunken rage was admitting defiling your thunder box in the black forest, not in so many words but his irreverent rantings were enough to prove his guilt, he even described the colour and texture of the log it was only a matter of time , bit like ronnie biggs comin home . by the way all, mouldy got wankered again at mine and bombers bday party !
went something like "fuck off ooowellaaaeugh ! "
would like to do a reunion thing sometime peeps dates and venue please suggestions and bomber no, we are not going to see david essex at pontins, its childish .
i gotta go now cause i am writin this at work and if i dont stop i will be late finishing so au revoir as blandine says to me , oh yeah believe it believe it. Be Fabulous people
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
The first entry of 2009 - Big Jock's, ha, ha!
Well fellow Murtahurmers,
Only two entries since October 2008 - you lazy no hopers! Not a very good effort from the "Magnificent 7", is it? I feel it is now time to name and shame you all, and throw a hefty amount of shit whilst doing so. My theory is this; if I begin slagging you all off, then your obvious response will be to get your own back! Correct me if I'm wrong..... oh, no, you can't without putting an entry in the blog. I win on all accounts, ha, ha.
So I thought I'd start off with a league table. This would identify the league champion murtahurm blogger for 2008 (ME!).
Blogs Entry's Points (3 per blog)
1. Big Jock 31 - 93
2. Mouldy 26 - 78
3. Bomber 12 - 36
4. Tim 12 - 36
5. Tracy 4 - 12
6. Minxie 3 - 9
7. Donna 3 - 9
8. Jan P 1 - 3
9. James 0 - 0
10. Posh George 0 - 0
As you can see it was a closely fought contest. Mouldy started off at pace but was soon caught up by Big Jock. Mouldy did make a big effort towards the end but, hey, Nick, there is only so many pictures you can post on the blog and then try and claim it as an entry, ha, ha.
Bomber started off well but got pissed, then loved up, then got binned, then got a twat on, then got pissed again, ha, ha. The only man I know who has four mobile phones and still sends texts to the wrong bird, ha, ha, ha - Geordie caaaannnnttt!
Tim did his usual effort: a few quick ones followed by some long slow ones and a couple of jerky ones at the end. Pure filthy stuff as usual Mr Benger.
The girls tried, but they got seduced by other more important things like shoes, bags, shopping, hats, etc, etc.
Jan P made one entry and then finally admitted that he actually paid a small child to type it because he didn't have a computer and was still using an abacus to count his wages.
James......well, James is James. Far too much totty to shag and far too many fast cars to get caught speeding in. Blogging is for losers, yadah, yadah, yadah.
Posh George was too posh to push, oops, sorry, too posh to blog, and anyway, he had a man to do all that manual stuff, ha, ha.
"Right, you bunch of knobbers and knobberesses, the gauntlet has been well and truly thrown in your faces. So if you think you have the cahoonahs, then bring it on, because the blogging title for 2009 is yours if you want it."
I am happy to discuss this further with you on the 27th at Benger's pad - be there or be Albert!
Big Jock is off to his rack......... BE FABULOUS!
Only two entries since October 2008 - you lazy no hopers! Not a very good effort from the "Magnificent 7", is it? I feel it is now time to name and shame you all, and throw a hefty amount of shit whilst doing so. My theory is this; if I begin slagging you all off, then your obvious response will be to get your own back! Correct me if I'm wrong..... oh, no, you can't without putting an entry in the blog. I win on all accounts, ha, ha.
So I thought I'd start off with a league table. This would identify the league champion murtahurm blogger for 2008 (ME!).
Blogs Entry's Points (3 per blog)
1. Big Jock 31 - 93
2. Mouldy 26 - 78
3. Bomber 12 - 36
4. Tim 12 - 36
5. Tracy 4 - 12
6. Minxie 3 - 9
7. Donna 3 - 9
8. Jan P 1 - 3
9. James 0 - 0
10. Posh George 0 - 0
As you can see it was a closely fought contest. Mouldy started off at pace but was soon caught up by Big Jock. Mouldy did make a big effort towards the end but, hey, Nick, there is only so many pictures you can post on the blog and then try and claim it as an entry, ha, ha.
Bomber started off well but got pissed, then loved up, then got binned, then got a twat on, then got pissed again, ha, ha. The only man I know who has four mobile phones and still sends texts to the wrong bird, ha, ha, ha - Geordie caaaannnnttt!
Tim did his usual effort: a few quick ones followed by some long slow ones and a couple of jerky ones at the end. Pure filthy stuff as usual Mr Benger.
The girls tried, but they got seduced by other more important things like shoes, bags, shopping, hats, etc, etc.
Jan P made one entry and then finally admitted that he actually paid a small child to type it because he didn't have a computer and was still using an abacus to count his wages.
James......well, James is James. Far too much totty to shag and far too many fast cars to get caught speeding in. Blogging is for losers, yadah, yadah, yadah.
Posh George was too posh to push, oops, sorry, too posh to blog, and anyway, he had a man to do all that manual stuff, ha, ha.
"Right, you bunch of knobbers and knobberesses, the gauntlet has been well and truly thrown in your faces. So if you think you have the cahoonahs, then bring it on, because the blogging title for 2009 is yours if you want it."
I am happy to discuss this further with you on the 27th at Benger's pad - be there or be Albert!
Big Jock is off to his rack......... BE FABULOUS!
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