Big Jock - twice in one month?

I laughed my tits off at tree beard making a c*nt of himself, as usual; thank you for that.  I needed a good laugh, after enduring the wettest holiday since Mr Cocky said "why don't we spend two weeks at Vagina Canal?"  Having just dried off all my clothes I thought it prudent to investigate the blog after receiving another email from Mouldy - keep 'em coming!  Can you also send me your mobile number so I can inundate you with all the shite jokes that people think I'd like to hear; ungrateful bastard aren't I?

I am so looking forward to our European tour of 2009 and you wouldn't believe it but the lovely Janina has given me two extra days to get pub fit for the visit to Al and Marie's.  I am spending them wisely at Benger's Palace where I will drink copious amounts of Beck's lager beer until I fall off my stool, ha, ha.  Come and join me one and all.

PS.  It was nice to see Gerry "Lord Fuckin' Lucan" Peers put in an appearance on the blog.  It would be better if he typed something or answered his fucking mobile/texts once in a while.  Drip complete....... over. 

Video edits, beware you could be on the next!!!

Cheese and wine foray update

Have had e-mails from ferry company stating that our sailings have been put back by an hour. However, this will not change our departure times, but will give us some grace with regard to assembling the motley crew.

I will organise supper at Nav's Benger's before we depart, which will, hopefully, stop Big Jock raiding the fridge en-route, looking for frozen peas !!!!! I still find it hard to believe that he did it ! I will try to make sure that we are stocked up on frozen brussel sprouts, to see how far we can push him !!

Nice to see the old faithfuls still on the blog, even if their language leaves VERY little to the imagination. ( Big Jock ), I am sure you do not behave like this when the lovely Janina is in earshot.

Thunderbird 2, is primed and ready, however, I will probably booby-trap the thunderbox in case of illicit log dropping ! Isn't it strange that a turd can be the subject of so many conversations !

Looking forward to seeing you awful sods again !!

LogOff Nick

Big Jock blogging from sunny Northumberland - my arse!!

Hello magnificent (spelt correctly Bomber) seven,

A lot of water has passed under the Allington Lock bridge since my last entry onto this most famous and fabulous of blogs.  The lovely Janina and I have paid two visits to NAVS BENGER at the canal and we made sure he was "loafing correctly."  Cheer for the hospitality Tim xx. We did have to ask the senior lock-keeper if he was around though, ha, ha.  Once again we found Tim immersed in Beck's Lager Beer at the Malta Inn - nothing changes in Maidstone!  That's not true actually; my last visit to the 3 squirrels confirmed my suspicion that the ladies are indeed keeping their small panties on these days.  It must be this shitty weather we're having.

You will all be pleased to know that I have signed up for the "Magnificent 7's 2009 tour of French cheese and wine parties."  It is going to be brilliant but I am NOT SLEEPING IN A FUCKIN' MURTAHURM!!!!!!!!!  I'd rather eat my own arse.

As you can all see the 2008 European tour still lingers heavily on my mind - you bastards!!

Before I pop out to a posh Bistro and spend some more of the hard earned "Rennie Millions", I'd just like to clarify that I did not dump in Mouldy's thunderbox.  Now stop spreading malicious rumours about me "GRANDAD!!!"

I will see you all next month and you better all be pub fit when I turn up - that includes you to Tree Beard, you Geordie caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnt!!

BE FABULOUS xx

this an extract from bombers personal diary i found loafing around whilst tidying up his speedos in the murta hurm, it relates to a chance meeting with a crinkly woman in a bar in St Potan, i have changed the ladies name in order to save her the embarrasment, it is a fascinating insite to the workings of this mans brain



one can only assume after 3 gallon of pastis this is what happened







Bomber stripped off the rest of his clothes, his gaze never left hers, then he streched out beside her, laced his fingers with hers and bought her gnarly fingers up to his lips for a tender kiss, with his other hand he deftly reached into her, the man is smooth he would soon be rewarded, shifting her hand in his she drew them both slowly over the velvet pillows and over her folded skin, up the silken sheets and across her spaniel ear breasts, turning her head towards him she placed an equally tender kiss on bombers beardy lips, "you know" she said in a husky hitherto unheard voice,"slow has its moments but there is a lot to be said for hot and fast"


The silken heat of her drove bomber to the brink, he managed to stave off his own satisfaction only by focussing every ounce of his thoughs on her, her needs, her wants, ignoring the heady scent of floral fragrance and warm woman, he concentrated on finding just the right touch that would please her, make her forget her own name, he elicited moans and sighs, gasps like when he is in the squirrels, but only when he plucked the sweet centre of her with his finger and thumb and drew her nipple deep into his mouth did he find the hot button that made her whole body tense and tighten, victory poured through him for all of two seconds before his own release swamped him forcing them to forget times and names ,
Then he climbed off, rolled over , farted and fell asleep.
She laid quietly smiling to herself, never mind she thought , bomber maybe hung like a chinese mouse but it was worth it for some more Pastis in the Nautile