I would first of all like to thank Tim for his last posting and I am glad that, not once, did he mention my suicidal tendancies on the trip. If you don't believe I was suicidal then ask Minxie - she saw my face and promptly packed her bags and left for a nice Italian lakeside hotel (albeit a Gay one, ha,ha). I would like to point out though, that I am not the phantom shitter! I know that LS Peers rtd and I sank a litre bottle of Jacks, but I remember everything after that - honest I do!
Well, like the title suggests, I will never, ever, forget this most memorable trip around Europe. I know I kept a diary of the whole event and posted it on the blog, but looking back over the whole 11 days I too would like to do what Tim did and recollect my most memorable flashbacks. They are not in any order but here goes:
1. Waking up on my first morning in Europe and thinking that our passports and money had been stolen whilst we slept. That wasn't good for my nerves, especially being the tight Jock bastard that I am - cheers young James!
2. That lovely pot of Flemish stew in Ypres - yum, yum.
3. My impression of the Barnes Wallace bouncing bomb in that swimming pool west of Luxembourg. Did I get wet that night?
4. Tim and James going for a hot shower with that dodgy couple from the bar.
5. How pissed Mouldy got on three glasses of red wine (James - you really must tell him the truth you know), and when Mouldy appeared through his murtahurm curtain, tried to speak and his fuckin' teeth fell out, ha, ha, ha, christ I'm breaking my ribs here!!!
6. Bomber's reaction to seeing Gerry Peers sat in the back of his murtahurm whilst it was underway. Weren't you meant to be driving Gerry? Haa, haa, haa - you kill me you two, ha, ha.
7. Who took the photo of me asleep at the lunch table in Luxembourg? Bastards! There was me telling Mrs BigJock that I had a lovely time sightseeing and not a drop of the devils brew passed my lips until the champagne tour - I AM RIGHT IN THE SHIT!
8. That lovely Italian birds arse on the ferry across Lake Constance. Now you know why I didn't want to go to the bar for a beer.
9. Opening that bottle of beer whilst waiting for the MILFS to land - fuck me that bannister was hot!
10. Bomber losing his mobile phone on top of that pile of logs, ha, ha. Next time find a harder place to lose it!
11. That lovely bottle of red wine and the largest ice cream sundae in Europe, courtesy of my big pal Raymond Blackett Mills RNR, VD, BAR, SCAR, BSA and Sidecar.
12. Life then became a blur for me until we turned up at that beautiful campsite in Reid Brig, Switzerland. No rain - hot showers (remember my 25 minute hollywood shower? I'll never forget that!) - as many dumps as you wanted, when you wanted, unfortunately not where you wanted but hey, you can't have absolute perfection. Good old Donald - I am recommending him in the Queen's birthday honours list next year, on me muvva's eyes I am!
13. Being shot at by the Swiss army in the Simplon Pass. I thought they only carried knives? I never knew they had tanks as well.
14. Whitewater rafting? Did we do that? I've forgotten already, however, I do remember that glacier and how cold it was inside, especially wearing shorts and a T-shirt. PS. The photo of James stood on that rock and the view of the drop behind him, I'm sure you aged 30 years when you saw him that day Tim!
15. How pissed you can get by drinking two bottles of cheap Italian red, one after the other. Thanks for catching my fall James; I might not have been writing this if you hadn't.
16. Epernay, EEEPEEERNAAAAYY! MOET & CHANDON - Be fabulous, that's all I can say on the matter. Note to self: must learn more French so as to understand French waitresses and their dodgy humour. Was she really that pleased to serve us? Bomber, Mouldy, James - next time let's find the MacDonalds.
17. And last but certainly not least, the customs man not being brave enough to venture into the Spitroast Special's loo, ha, ha. Especially seeing that Bomber's emergency dump was still in situ.
18. Driving from Dover to Maidstone on side lights! Not wanting a copper and seeing four in succession. Gerry, if I had a pound for every driver you upset that night, blinding them with your full beam, I'd be a millionaire 3 times over, ha, ha.
BE FABULOUS, LOVELY PEOPLE and remember, if you plan another trip like this, just tell me the stops and I'll fly out. You can all use my hotel shower and thunderbox, ha, ha.
NEVER IN THE FIELD OF EUROPEAN MURTAHURMMING, HAS SO MANY LAUGHS BEEN CREATED, FOR SO MANY PEOPLE, BY SO FEW.
BE FABULOUS
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