Article seen on Orange webnews, particularly poignant

For years they’ve been a fashion faux-pas to rival the mankini, but now it would appear Speedos are making a comeback to these shores.
According to a survey by price comparison website Ciao.co.uk, there has been a 400% increase in searches for Speedo swimwear in the past six months compared to the same time last year. Worryingly, we are concerned that there are that many Geordies with computers, with the dangerous knowledge to be able to do searches !!
Speedo spokesperson and self-proclaimed poon-bandit, Raymond "Bomber" Mills, attempted to explain this alarming trend in terms of an increasing self-confidence with our bodies and a desire to flaunt what we’ve got. “Everyone wants to look their best on the beach and in the Murtaherm, like, and clearly Brits, particularly Geordies, have never been prouder to get their kit off, on me mother's eyes, Lifeboat” he said.
"Big, Fat Geordies are buffing themselves up so they are tanned and smooth from top to toe and are celebrating by looking for the tightest, tiniest and most revealing swimwear out there, not that there is that much to cover like !"
The skimpy trunks – often referred to disparagingly as “budgie smugglers” – have traditionally been popular on the Continent, typically with portly middle-aged, fat northerners, with dodgy accents, who seem blissfully oblivious to quite how little they’re leaving to the imagination.
But we proper Brits, other than Geordies, have up until now, never been fully comfortable with the concept of the Speedo, preferring the shapeless, functional appeal of swimming shorts. These have the added advantage of concealing any perceived inadequacies in the lunchbox department. Sweaty Skimpy Cock Coverers can be particularly offensive on full display at early doors in the confined space of a Murtaherm.
Swimming shorts are forbidden in many public pools on the Continent – ostensibly for the rather dubious reason that they’re unhygienic. But I can’t help feeling the Speedo is just yet another way for Europe to heap further humiliation on the True Brits, like with Eurovision. Have you ever heard a Geordie singing "Boom bang-a-bang", more like "Chirpy, Chirpy, cheap fuckin' cheap" ?
At least, most Geordies in the UK do have one small advantage over their Continental colleagues when it comes to wearing Speedos: if their bulges don’t quite measure up, they can always blame the cold weather.
Are Speedos the way forward, along with shoes with holes in, or should fat geordie fuckers, with not too much to hide, stick with the less revealing swimming shorts when in public? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below.